Written by Jack, a Winston’s Wish content creator
My name is Jack C B (JCB) and I’m eight years old. I lost my momma Pat (great grandmother) in 2020, when I was five years old. She was caring, honest, always looking out for me, and she always wanted me to do well. She loved to watch Midsomer Murders and motorsport.
My momma Pat was a very big part of the community and supported the village with over 50 years of volunteering. When my momma died it made me very sad. My brother went into volunteering with the village Response Team, I helped too but I still missed my momma and cried a lot.
My mum contacted Winston’s Wish, they sent us an activity pack and I did it with my mum, this became a turning point for me at the age of 6. I have a memory picture frame, a memory jar, and I have my blanket that I have had since I was born that has now become my security. I visit her on a weekly basis at the Natural Burial where I take flowers, I talk about her every day, and she always feels involved in what I’m doing, whether I’m at home, school, or go-karting.
At weekends I spend a lot of time on the farm, where I live, I have very nice memories of my momma, picking blackberries, planting flowers around the ponds. I missed her so much that I wanted to do something that made her feel close to me. I started to get a lot of white butterflies flying around me and I have a robin that comes and sits on my windowsill. Very often out of nowhere white feathers appear and every time this happens, I feel like it’s a sign that my wish has come true. I started to build a bird garden for my robin where I made my very own bird boxes, a bird hide out where I can sit and have time on my own, and I’ve built and painted my own bird stands along with other things for my momma Pat to play on.
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When I turned 8, I was able to go indoor and outdoor karting, which is something my momma was never able to see me do. I do it for her, I race to win for my momma Pat. I have a saying, “Slow and steady wins the race”, and so far, I have been very good and have won a lot of races.
Once, I went to visit my momma at the burial ground before I went karting, when I was leaving, I said to momma, “Wish me luck, I’m going to win pole position tonight”. My mum took me to karting and I went out for my qualifying lap where I won pole position! I got out of my kart to look at which kart number I would be racing in, and as I did a white feather was sat behind the chair where my security blanket had been all night. I finished the last race, and I won! I know my momma was there and felt like she watched me win. At the end I was awarded the pole position tyre and 1st place medal, all while the feather was still sitting by my blanket.
I was member of the month last month and have now qualified for the British Indoor Karting Championships and Outdoor Inkart Championships as an advanced Karter, I’m very proud to be doing a good job for my momma.
Now that I feel a bit better and believe my momma is with me every day, I’ve started volunteering with my brother on our local country park, litter picking, grass cutting and doing general maintenance. My message to other children who are grieving is: there is nothing wrong in believing in yourself. I live every day with a positive attitude but some days I still feel sad, and I know that’s ok to cry. I try my best to remember my good memories of me and my momma Pat.
How to get help
If you’re struggling with grief right now, Winston’s Wish is here to help and here to listen. Winston’s Wish provides support for grieving children and young people (up to the age of 25). We offer one-to-one and group support sessions. We also have lots of online resources and a Helpline, email and live chat service where you can talk to bereavement professionals.
If you need urgent support in a crisis, you can contact the 24/7 Winston’s Wish Crisis Messenger by texting WW to 85258.